Here is part 2 – a caregiver’s resource guide: what to do when someone is seriously ill. Hopefully this second part will help you take care of yourself a bit while taking care of someone else.
1. Make Legal and Medical plans early
It’s hard but critical, to talk about:
- Power of attorney
- Advance directives
- Medical wishes
- Finances and estate planning
Community Resource:
National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NELA)
- Helps locate care attorneys who can draft advance directives, will and *POA’s.
- A Power of Attorney (POA) is a legal document that allows someone you trust to make decisions on your behalf if you are unable to do so. This could include managing finances, paying bills, handling legal matters or making medical decisions. There are a variety of different POA’s: A Health Care POA, A Financial POA, and A Durable POA. This article and blog does not have the ability to discuss the individual POA aside from giving a basic overview. I would suggest touching base with an Attorney for more in-depth information.
2. Nourish Yourself
Caring for someone else starts with caring for yourself, nourishing your body with regular meals, healthy food, regular rest, a walk outdoors, a bath, time to read a book, and just to enjoy some quiet moments for yourself. Some time doing something just for you.
Community Resource:
Local Caregiver Support Group through the YMCA, local Hospital or Churches
-Many hospitals and YMCA’s host regular in-person or Zoom groups. Look up Caregiver group in your city.
-Mental Health America has virtual mental health resources
3. Create Moments of Joy
Even in illness, joy is possible. Watch a favorite movie. Sit in the sun, play their favorite music, revisit the photo collection which is so very important in particular with people who have Alzheimer’s or Dementia. Reliving, reviving old memories keeps the individual engaged and can bring positive and happy moments.
Community Resource:
Local Senior Center and Recreation programs – search in your city
4. Acknowledge the Emotional Toll – Part 2 – A Caregiver’s Guide
Grief, guilt, frustration they all visit. You are not doing it wrong. You are just human. Make space for your feelings without judgement.
Community Resource:
-Local Department of Mental Health Services
– Open Path Collective offers sliding scale therapy. Many communities offer low-cost grief and caregiving counseling.
5. Honor the Changing Relationship
As roles shift, emotional dynamics do too. You may feel more like a parent than a partner, son/daughter etc. Try to stay connected to the essence of the person underneath the illness. Speak to their heart, not just to their condition. For the person with the illness, watching their roles change as well, often from caretaker, partner, parent or provider to someone needing help can bring feelings of helplessness, frustration and even hopelessness.
Community Resource:
Hospice, Faith based Organizations can offer support for navigating life transitions and role changes.
National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO)
This site offers:
-information on hospital and palliative care
-How to find local hospice providers
-Guidance on end of life planning
-Support families and their caregivers
www. nhpco.org
Final Thoughts: Part 2 – A Caregiver’s Guide
Caring for someone with a long-term illness calls on the deepest part of us, our patience, our love, our strength, and often our vulnerability. These ten points are not a checklist for perfection, but gentle guideposts to help you navigate a difficult and sacred time.
From making the home safer to holding space for shifting emotions from building a support network to finding quiet joy in small moments. Every step you take matters! You are not alone. The road may be uncertain, but it is one that many have walked, and one that becomes lighter when shared with others. This is part 2 – a caregiver’s guide and you can find part one here.
Most of all remember this, you are doing enough, even when it feels like too much. Give yourself the same compassion you so freely give to others.
Thanks for being here,
-Soraya