just got back from a beautiful trip with my daughter. Now I’m getting ready to visit my son, who lives on the opposite side of the country. These back to back visits have stirred something in me, reminding me just how much the relationships with my adult children mean to me, and the evolving relationships with adult children.
Over the years our connection has shifted and grown in ways I could have never predicted. As parents, we witness our children move through the phases of life, childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and into full adulthood. But what we often don’t talk about as much is how our children also watch us evolve over time. It’s a mutual journey full of learning and letting go and reconnecting in new ways. Now we’ve become more the steady voice in the background, the one they can turn to.
Our Evolving Relationships with Adult Children
Watching our grown children step into their own lives is both beautiful and bittersweet. We want to guide and protect them like we always have. But now, the most loving thing we can do is trust them to find their own way. We’ve got to give them the room to figure things out. It doesn’t mean to stop caring, it just means to trust them to find their own way even if it is a bit messy sometimes.
It’s kind of teaching them to ride a bike all over again. I remember holding on to the back of the seat. My heart pounding, pretending I was still holding on long after I’d let go. That’s what it has felt like and feels like at different times. The ”bike” now is a job, a relationship or a big move out of the country. We want to run beside them forever, but at some point we have to trust that they’ve got it even if they wobble a bit.
Spending time with my daughter, and now preparing to see my son, has deepened my appreciation for where we are in our relationship today. They are no longer “my kids”, they are thoughtful ,kind, and complex adults with their own lives. I feel so grateful to be part of their journey.
A Chance to Rediscover Ourselves
Interestingly enough, while they are learning who they are, we get to rediscover ourselves as well. As they are defining their lives we’re left with this empty space that used to be filled with carpools sprinkled with all sorts of schedules, deadlines and at times chaos. Their journey invites us to grow as well. As they navigate challenges we are invited to reflect on our own lives as well. To rediscover parts of ourselves we may have set aside and even dream new dreams of our own.
Thanks for being here,
-Soraya
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